House of HR-orrors: how to avoid mishaps and escape unscathed

It’s the spookiest time of year and so you’ve decided to visit… the House of HR-orrors.

There you are, walking towards a decrepit old building… Perhaps it was once a corporate office, now left to fall to ruin in the wake of numerous HR scandals. You can hear the ominous creaking of the broken shutters, the wind whistling through cracked windows, the crunch of gravel beneath your feet… What’s that you see on the door? A sign? As you get closer, you start to make it out. It says: ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!

But you’re a risk taker – always have been; taking calculated risks is how you’ve achieved the level of success you’ve achieved in your industry so far, but you're eager to find out the sort of risks you should be avoiding to continue growing as a leader in your sector, so you carry on through the door.

The first thing you see inside is a broken floorboard. You cautiously attempt to step around it when out bursts a bony hand, grabbing your ankle and pulling you down to the depths of the house where you land in a body of water. Spluttering, you scramble to the surface, where the skeleton waits, reclining on an inflatable lilo.

“Where am I?!” you gasp.

“You are drowning…” the skeleton replies, “in debt! You see, you ignored repeated employee feedback and complaints about misconduct. Now, your former workers have been awarded a settlement of $18 million, for which you are liable!”

Just as you feel you are about to slip under water again, the skeleton grabs you and pulls you out.

“You must always listen to worker feedback and take appropriate, compliant action where necessary!" he shouts. "Engaging a reliable global HR partner is the best way to ensure your global workers are taken care of...” His voice peters out as he pushes you back up through the floorboards, where you land in the hallway once more.

Dripping wet, you look around, terrified for the next HR horror to befall you, when out of the shadows comes a clown, holding... a hairdryer?

“Heard you needed drying off,” the clown says. “Mind if I…?” The clown begins drying your clothes and hair with the hair dryer, which after a short time becomes extremely hot. Too hot.

“Excuse me,” you say, “that’s a little too warm for me.”

“Ah yes, you see you’re in an uncomfortable situation,” the clown points out. You agree, this situation is rather uncomfortable. “But this is nothing compared to the discomfort you will feel when ordered to pay a $3.8 million settlement for bias in recruitment, promotion, and compensation.”

“Wow,” you say. “That is just about the only thing I can imagine that is more uncomfortable that the situation I’m currently in! How do I avoid that?”

The clown switches off the hairdryer and says, “Regular pay audits, my friend. You also need to implement structured hiring processes, and don’t forget data-driven diversity reviews – those are essential.”

“Noted," you say.

“Consider partnering up with a global employment solutions firm like eh, say Mauve Group, those guys are the best. Anyways, continue upstairs,” the clown advises. “You’ll see just how much worse things can get for businesses that don’t invest in strong HR practices!”

Obediently, you climb the tall staircase which groans beneath you, and as you step on to the landing, the door in front of you creaks open. There stands Count Dracula.

“Hello, Count Dracula,” you say. “What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you remember me from your literature classes in school,” Dracula says. “Even after all this time!”

“I’m not that old,” you say, offended.

“Your age is not the scariest thing in this house,” Dracula reminds you. “Follow me, and you’ll see just how blood-curdling things can really get.”

You follow Count Dracula through the door which he shuts behind you. Turning towards you, he raises his arms, cape billowing outward, totally obscuring the door. You begin to feel trapped.

“I want to drink your blood!” Dracula announces, but before you have time to ask him not to, he continues – “By which I mean, drain your company accounts. You see, you have failed your workers. By piling on excessive workloads, unrealistic performance expectations, and providing inadequate attention to workplace safety, your negligence has resulted in injuries to your workers, and subsequent regulatory action.”

“No!” you scream.

“Yes!” cries Count Dracula. “You have been forced to reach a large settlement with the local government to atone for your poor HR policies!” With that, Dracula drops his cape, revealing the door once more, which he opens, ushering you out.  “You must always keep your workers’ wellbeing at the heart of your operations!” he shouts after you as you scarper down the stairs. "The best way to do this is to engage a partner with extensive local knowledge and 30 years of experience!"

Dracula's voice echoing after you, you dash across the hallway, out the front door, and down the driveway where… Mauve Group waits with open arms.

You see, Mauve Group has three decades of experience in the global HR sector. We support companies like yours to provide strong, compliant HR to your workers, no matter where in the world they are.

With a suite of services ranging from Employer of Record and Global Visa and Immigration to Salary Benchmarking and more, our seasoned experts are ready and waiting to guide you through every step of your international employment journey and keep you far, far away from spooky scenarios such as those of the House of HR-orrors!

Contact our team today… if you dare!